I don't think I am addicted to love, but I have at times become addicted to relationships. I have fallen apart at the end of the relationships that I knew were already broken, I think that it is like gambling, or using physically addictive substances. Relationships gives us a lot of pleasure and we are hard wired to seek this pleasurable activities. The awful other side of the coin of this pleasurable addictive activities, is of course, the harsh withdrawal. Oh it hurts! Every minute of remembering how good it was, how much he is missed. I conveniently forget that for every pleasure filled moment, there were ten horrible moments.
Like a heroine addict whose life has been ruined by the drug addiction, I wishfully remember all the good moments and forget all the pain. Forget that this addiction is ruining my life. That the few minutes of blissfulness I would get form my drug, will not in any way make up for all the suffering that is causes me.
All addictions are hard to break, relationships are one of the hardest. Specially hard when the other person has not been cut out of my life completely,which would have speed up recovery in most cases. Thankfully, when a relationship was ended by the other party, relapse is not an option. Not being able to move on, living in a state of suspended animation, waiting for the person to change his mind...Even when I rationally realized it is not happening is the worst part of an ended relationship for me.
Even as I am certain that I am not going back, that I will not beg or cajole...Even as I know that we are not getting back together,that it is not actually happening, I fantasize of this scenario where I am beautiful and happy and my ex is trying now to persuade me to get back together. This has been the motivation of many women that have gone and improved their lives and their appearances in preparation for this mythical encounter. I guess if it is helpful, it can be part of the healing process.
We know enough about how to deal with addictions. There is the 12 steps for those that dig relenting to their higher power or whatever those guys are doing. How come we do not have relationship anonymous? It would be a wonderful tool for recently discarded women to get together and talk about their exes. The sponsor would be there, making sure we do not drunk call an ex or drive by his house. Even if one is not inclined to belief in higher power, the camaraderie and the sponsorship would be enough to make this a great resource.
Classical condition is very effective too. Making list of all the horrid things the ex did and making sure to not forget them. Focus on the negative.. Yes, that is advise one does not hear every day but very effective when trying to forget a loved one. Remember ever shitty thing he ever did, and soon you will forget the fond memories as well.
Either way it takes time, but it hurts a little bit less every day. One day, one realizes that the hurt is gone, that he is not obsessive thought number one. That other men are starting to look yummy. That live goes on.
Not becoming a crazy ex girlfriend is a very important task during recovery, regardless of the recover path chosen. It is easy to rationalize, in the mist of addiction that I could present my case better, he would understand the error of his ways and be back with me. This has not happened in the history of humanity. This is a sure path to become a crazy ex girlfriend. So forget it.. You can never argue your case, you cannot convince anyone that they should love you or be with you. And frankly, at this point, he is not worth it.
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